dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize