Nicole vs. Life
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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