i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize