so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
