Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
