when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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