i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
