Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
