I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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