I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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