my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
false alarm. still invincible.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
