So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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