Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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