There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
