ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
