1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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