dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Please, let me fuck your mom
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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