i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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