On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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