I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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