I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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