so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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