i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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