Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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