I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
