i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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