something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
