There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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