I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
