I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Randomize
