So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
