the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
