Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
