Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
