I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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