We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
