Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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