Nicole vs. Life
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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