i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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