Tell her she can't have a vagina
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
