in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
