We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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