she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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