standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
