remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize