Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
