11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
