are you still at the devil's house?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
