Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
