Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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