she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
