id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We were destined to go to rehab together
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
