I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
