The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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