dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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