I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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