Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
