So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
