I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
