Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
