Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
