I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
