Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
