My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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