I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
