toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
