listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
